written by Kayla Grell
First time I owned a designer purse I felt wealthy.
First time I dyed my hair blond I felt accepted.
First time I held a pay check over two hundred dollars I felt empowered.
First time my heart was broken I felt God’s heartbreak for the homeless.
As I was packing up all my stuff for college my mom encouraged me to donate some of my clothes. Looking down at the piles of clothes on my bedroom floor, I was overwhelmed by the amount of clothes I had horded over the past four years. I stretched four large suite cases to full capacity, and put my parents through the pain of transporting all my bags and boxes to college. I simply could not see myself going somewhere without these items I had. When I arrived at my new home, Minneapolis, Minnesota, and unpacked everything in my dorm room, I realized I couldn’t fit all of it in my room.
While I was adjusting to college life, I still found myself continuing to shop. Every weekend, I was finding reasons to go shopping for new clothes or jewelry or whatever. The girls on my floor were obsessed with the selection of things they could borrow from me. I was proud of the fact girls would come and envy all the things I had. My dorm room had become my own personal showcase, but little did I know that my prayers were going to change my perspective on life.
At the beginning of my freshman year, I prayed a dangerous prayer. I asked God for a heart that breaks for what breaks His heart. After that, I continued to pray that God would be my everything. I asked him what I needed to do in order to make him everything in my life. Everytime I prayed, unconsciously I was praying the same prayer. Desiring a heart after God’s heart became the central theme of my life at college.
One cold November day in the city I found myself at a coffee shop, broken and sad. Why was I feeling so hurt, tired and full of sadness? Is this what I asked for? Was this the heart of God when he looked down upon us and sees that we are not taking care of one another? More questions engulfed my thoughts as the days went by from the day at the coffee shop. Many of my friends asked me if everything was okay and if there was anything they could pray for me about. The sadness not only took over my heart and mind but also physically tore at my being. Was this what I really asked for from God?
My heart began to change and be softened. I realized through all of this, I had developed a compassion and love for the homeless. God was moving in my life differently than he ever had before. Could it be that God was going to use me in the mission field? Having no experience in that area, I didn’t see how it would be possible. I had never really been outside my own comfort zone.
God began to challenge me and reminded me of my prayers in the weeks to come. Soon, I began to notice my very comfortable life. I realized that the reason for my tiredness was due to me constantly hearing about how “my” generation is suppose to do something great for God… but we weren’t doing anything. If God asked us to go to the ends of the earth to spread his gospel, then why is it so hard for us to reach the homeless in the cities around us in our own country? The clock is ticking and we are running out of time. I want to do something so radical for God’s glory that the church would wake up and see that God is still alive and we still have a mission to carry out.
Now was the time for me to literally clean out my closet to make room for what God wants me to do in my life. God asked me to change the way I lived, so I went from comfortable to uncomfortable. I decided to have a “dorm sale” in my dorm room. I sold as much as I could. After the one-day sale, I still had a large amount of stuff left over. I could not handle looking at it, so I ended up just telling a bunch of girls to go through my stuff and take whatever they wanted. People asked me if it would be strange to see other girls wearing my stuff around school? I said, “No, it would not matter at all to me.” God gave me such a huge peace about selling and handing my stuff out for free. Getting rid of all the materialistic things in my life to make room for what God has in store for my life.
Each step I take, I am getting closer to what God desires me to do. Although He may ask me to do things that are not normal and make me feel uncomfortable, I will step in faith toward for his calling on my life. My heart’s prayer is to have a heart after God’s and to make him everything in my life. I want to be undignified. If everything in my life was taken away, I want to be able to depend on God alone. I want to make others around me uncomfortable by the way I carry myself in God’s glory. To my generation I say, “Wake up! Do something radical for God! Mobilize our generation to do something about the homeless in our country and in other countries around the world. What are you waiting for? Go.” Give up the securities in your life and fully rely on faith and God alone. Evaluate your life and what takes the place of God in your life. Clean out your “closet” and make room for the tools God will equip you with. Let go of your flesh, let God take control and… go.